Santa Claus interrogated by TSA agents; deported

WASHINGTON (CN) -- Passengers awaiting a flight from Dulles International Airport to Ottawa were detained in their seats for more than four hours while U.S. Transportation & Safety Administration (TSA) agents removed and interrogated a passenger. "We had reports of a strange man with an Eastern European accent and a long beard boarding flight NP 117 at approximately 2:15 p.m.," said TSA spokesperson, Robert Evans. "A passenger noticed a glittery powder emerge from the detainee's shoes when they were clicked together, causing suspicion. Furthermore, the detainee's face was flushed and he was exceptionally giddy, almost certainly indications of intoxication by alcohol or other drugs." Evans noted that the aircraft was inspected before resuming its flight to Canada, while Detainee Claus remains both under U.S. control and beyond the jurisdiction of the U.S. constitution.

Ontario government plans new harmonized-sales-tax tax

TORONTO (JN) -- Ontario premier Dalton McGuinty has unveiled plans to reduce his government's debt with a new tax that applies to no goods or services, but simply to retail taxes themselves. The proposed HSTT will initially be set at 10% and will be calculated based upon the value of the tax payable on retail goods and services. The HSTT will be rolled out next July alongside Ontario's harmonized sales tax. "This is really a win-win for the government," said McGuinty. "By raising the tax on many goods and services to 13%, we can tax this 13% itself to recover an additional 1.3%."

Tie a ribbon; March is International Breast Awareness Month

FORT LAUDERDALE (AS) -- Organizers of the second International Breast Awareness Month expect a surge in popularity this year, as more people recognize that a loved one has been touched by a breast. "We started this campaign in 2008 because we wanted to draw attention to an important issue in our community," said Derek Slaney, the co-founder of Breast Awareness Month. "We were completely caught off guard by the incredible response." Slaney reports that, in the months after the first campaign, he received emails, phone calls, donations and even pornography from as far away as India. "This year, it's been a real blast coordinating all the activities and planning how to raise breast awareness. But the real joy comes from knowing that, for just one month a year, people in our society are thinking just a little more about breasts."

John McCain introduces the Health Care for John McCain Bill

WASHINGTON (CN) -- United States Senator John McCain (R-AZ) introduced legislation yesterday in a bid to draw support away from the House Democrats' popular health-care reform bill. "Friends, we must accept that change is imminent, whether we like this change or not," said McCain. "I've seen change in my personal life, as I come to accept that I am no longer young. In fact, as an honest and committed patriot who will likely require more health-care services over the remaining years of my life, I am urging the Senate to find bi-partisan support for the Health Care for John McCain Bill."

The bill is expected to face a Senate vote a next Monday.

Study finds drunk photocopier use just as effective as traditional mammograms

BOSTON (MA) -- A study of 1,100 women published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that breast cancer detection rates among women who undertook regular mammograms were no different than those of women who avoided mammograms but frequently photocopied their breasts while drunk.